Let me tell you about Poison Oak Deer...

I want to tell you about Poison Oak Deer. It's a new species, my daughter made them up after we arrived in North Carolina. The Poison Oak Deer has teeth and claws and everything like a bear. They're very dangerous and they stalk travelers along the road. They're very fierce and also they have wings. There seem to be many of these deer around North Carolina, but so far we have been able to avoid them, narrowly.

They have been known to cause structural damage to buildings, and have also been responsible for some of the felled trees in the area. I haven't quite been able to identify the signs though. Only Phoenix can clearly identify their handiwork it seems.

A Poison Oak Deer is not quite as big as a bear, On average they weigh about eighty pounds. They eat fish and regular bears and trees and poison berries 'cause that's good for their tummies because they are poisonous. Also lightbulbs and cars when you leave them parked, and workshops and coffee houses, and grass and fences. As you can imagine they are quite fearsome. When they are in their house, they will attack.

Although the adults tend to travel alone, the kids have friends and stay in packs. The young friends live in the trees, and the mommies live in a real house made of bricks and dirt. When people climb up with shoes on their feet the Poison Oak Deer will attack to defend its home and they are very tough. If you come upon one of the bigger ones they will attack and try to eat you and you must run fast.

So far none of these Poison Oak Deer have been caught on camera. We may try to provide a sketch in the next couple of days.

To Capital One Master Card, a Letter.

Hello Capital One, is Brooke Simmons there? No? I'll ask again, is Brooke Simmons there? No? That's funny, I know you just told me she is not available at that number, Capital One, but I feel compelled to keep asking you. Oh yeah, that's right, this is what the people at Capital One Master Card have been doing to me for almost two years now Capital One. I have told you, Capital One Master Card, time and time again, that this is MY cell phone number and I don't know a Brooke Simmons or a Brooke Simons. I've even told you that if I ever did meet Brooke Simmons (or is it Simons, make up your mind!) I would go so far as to tie her to a chair and get you on speaker-phone so you could finally talk to her about how much she still owes you (though I really don't think I could follow through with that, Capital One, I'm just not the torturing type.) I've told you these things again and again, and yet you keep calling me, Capital One Master Card. You keep calling me and asking me if you can speak to her.

Did you know you paid one person to call me three times one day? Did you know you also paid a Capital One manager for 30 minutes of discussion on how Brooke Simmons hasn't had this number for over a year? It's a funny thing, Captial One Master Card, I really am starting to wonder if you haven't spent more money calling me over the past couple of years than you can ever hope to collect from Brooke Simons. I'm pretty sure you're low on her list of debts to pay off, and she seems pretty good at avoiding your Capital One bloodhounds. Don't get me wrong, I've never met her, Capital One Master Card, and I likely never will. I'm just basing that on my long experience with talking to companies she hasn't paid back.

I want you to know, Capital One, that based on my experience with your company I could not possibly consider doing business with you. I did find it funny when Lisa ironically quipped "thank you for choosing Capital One" before handing me to her manager today. Yep, just today. That's right. Little more than two weeks after I took the time to call your Capital One Corporate Office at 1-703-720-1000 on March 9th to complain about the number of Capital One phone calls I've been getting for Brooke Simons, in spite of the fact that I was assured that I wouldn't receive any more phone calls from Capital One representatives looking for Brooke Simons, you are still calling me, still asking me if you can speak with her. I have heard the song and dance about "it can take up to 24 hours to remove the phone number from our system" enough times. I have also heard the recanting of that statement, and the alternative that it can take up to 72 hours enough times, Capital One.

So let's make a deal, Capital One. I am at the beginning of an SEO campaign to make people aware of just how determined you are to keep asking me if you can speak to Brooke Simons. This can be a very long SEO campaign, and I might even start a bidding war with you on pay-per-click traffic with the big 3, or it can be a very short campaign. It's up to you. Each time I get another call from Capital One, I will put as much time as I can deem reasonable into making this story known.

refreshing

 
Have I mentioned how great it is to live in a national park? A couple of nights ago I finally followed through on something I've been wanting to do for the past couple of weeks.
Capitol Reef National Park has a lot of high and dry hikes, a number of slot canyons, and some great overlooks, but I start to feel a bit of desert depression now and then. Yes, the huge cliffs and the monoliths are breathtaking, absolutely amazing, and the view from my back porch is simply awesome, but once in a while I feel like all I'm seeing is dry, dry and more dry. My cure for this is Sulfur Creek.
I had gone up the creek once or twice, but not very far, and I kept telling myself I needed to go through the whole trip. On monday I finally did. I rode my bike up highway 24 to the Chimney Rock trailhead, crossed the road, and followed the wash down into sulfur creek. I actually jogged most of the trip, it was a bit late and I was mostly looking for some real exercise, but whether running, walking, or stopping long enough to pull out the camera, the view was amazing. So glad I took the time.

Made it.

 

Here it is. That's my nearly 25 year old scooter parked in teasdale. It was quite a ride. I'd have to say I really appreciate this piece of honda machinery. It never went very fast, 68 was faster than I'd really want to be going on such tiny wheels. Honestly it starts to feel unnerving past about 62. Thankfully there wasn't a huge lot of people trying to go faster than 50 or 55 either on the 89 or the 24. Rarely was the speed limit higher than 55.
The views were awesome. Something about cruising the less travelled with nothing around me but the wind. Feels quite liberating. Very much enjoyed the trip.